Meeting dementia with empathy - my grandmother, my grandfather and myself
I do not know about you, but as Omi and Opi become more and more tedious and forgetful, I feel almost physically how it catches them. In clear moments, they can also describe it very well: the helplessness and associated uncertainty. Not knowing where to put something. Not to remember if they have already done something (taking pills, etc.)
My grandma once said, "Actually, I forgot that I'm still alive." It hurt my soul to watch her give herself more and more. Only one thing she never gave up: every day she went to her exercise bike; a Methuselah from the 60s / 70s. Until the time she did not remember it!
She sat in front of me, looking like a helpless little creature completely lost and overwhelmed with the simplest of life's needs.
And so I thought the following: I bought a small pin board and painted with Edding the days of the week (longitudinal column). Then I drew two columns (for "still to do" and "done") and placed a colored pin-needle in each "to do" column.
We hung this pin right next to her trim wheel so that she could reach it and put the pin in "done" while sitting on the bike.
It may sound strange to a healthy person, but you do not even believe how much it meant to my grandfather to know with more certainty whether she was already on her bike or not. For us it is trivialities, for a dementia patient who is losing more and more himself, such minimal adjustments / reliefs can mean the world!
I know from my own experience that it can be incredibly stressful to care for dementia - especially if they belong to their own family! On the one hand, it hurts to experience the physical, health degradation and decay, on the other hand, we usually have an already full work and family life. Dementia patients who always ask or tell the same thing can really get annoying.
But then I always remember how many infinite times she was there for me, listening, telling stories, baked with me, cooked, laughed, crafted. And yes, it's not always easy, but as soon as I realize how much I owe her, how she made my childhood shine and strengthened and supported me in the I-being, my love for her flooded my heart! Who knows how long I can still listen to the story of her and my father in captivity, look into their always so warm, loving eyes!
And my Opi? Well, my grandfather is not the man of this grandmother, but the father of my mother.
Everything was a bit more difficult here, especially since he does not live in the same house. How often did I drive through the city in the middle of the night to help him? He is very hard of hearing, which amplifies the problem: telephoning is not possible with him, he "cries" only in the listener that he needs me. :-) What do you think, how often I got to my empathy there - when I showed up there, and he wanted to do something from me or wanted to know what was already done!
Unfortunately, the time has come for my Opi, where he could not live alone at home in the opinion of my parents. He began to take medication by himself in an uncontrollable manner, left the house and did not find his way back, etc. There is a small apartment near the garage, but that might not have been enough for a close-knit care.
Nevertheless, I ask you, not only thinks about how dementia parents can stay as long as possible at home, but also consider that old trees can only very, very rarely transplant! I can see the degradation of my Opi very intense and understand - are all the things for which he was previously responsible, (even if with us as a backing) have been important cornerstones of his life. If they have to give up or take their own responsibility, this is often the beginning of the end!
Therefore: If it is possible to include a caretaker in the house: Meanwhile, there are some who have made themselves with exactly such 1: 1 care on their own and as a "household-related service" z. B. can be booked! If a room can be made available, in my opinion, this is a much better solution for all involved - and also cheaper than retirement homes or assisted living according to a known concept! Even groups like "Living against Hand" are offering to look for support there.
I hope my thoughts inspire you a little; best regards!
